sacramentalist | (no subject)

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Crossposts: https://sacramentalist.livejournal.com/1861016.html

(no subject)

In therapy:

"no, that's not guilt, that's shame" "I don't understand the difference."

In a flash of insight, I realize I actually do not understand the difference. I am completely at a loss. And I feel really bad about it.

I needed distraction. Mindless entertainment.

"I'll watch Big Mouth! Oh look, a new character: David Thewlis is The Shame Wizard! FUCK ME!"

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I love the Shame Wizard. But yeah, the distinction leads to some uncomfortable places.

I have a serious conversation about this with my therapist

"You act like there's someone watching and judging you"
"It's called being Catholic, Morrie"
"No, it's more than being Catholic. It's not guilt, it's shame"

Then I watch Big Mouth:

Rabbi: "Jews, we do not feel shame. We feel guilt."
Me: "fffffffffuuuuuu"

But yes, the Shame Wizard is hilarious.

Then I look forward to my favourite show, the Good Place which has nothing to do with morality or judgement. Nope. Hahahaha. Fuck me, I'm Chidi.

I’m Chidi but less smart, alas.

Lies. You understand all that pheromonology and ethnics.

When he compared his brain to a rattling fork in a dishwasher, it was too much, man.

I thought the difference is that feeling guilty is when you do something you know/think is bad and feel tormented by your conscience. Shame is when you do something you know/think is bad, or that is perceived as such by others, so you feel like you can't ever show your face in polite society anymore. Maybe I'm wrong, I never thought about the actual difference. Huh. What did your therapist say was the difference?

Is Big Mouth good? Netflix keeps suggesting it but I thought it was some Family Guy type thing. Is it more like Bojack?

My therapist wants me to work on my ability to blame myself for everything, which makes me anxious and avoidant.

I feel when I don't keep myself in check, I say and do insensitive things. I keep in check by dwelling on every mistake I've made in the past.

I'm writing quickly at work, but that's the gist. Oh, and I have the assumption everyone knows but me and I'll look foolish.

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Big Mouth is raunchy, but in a sensitive way. It's about pubescent boys and girls and their awkwardness. Their sexual ids manifest themselves into Hormone Monsters who support yet goad them. S2 introduces a Shame Wizard.

Sometimes it's like a smart health class (I wish I'd learned early on), and other times? Oh no! Lots of references to masturbating and semen.

I can't recommend it. But if semen and adolescent nudity (out of sexual context, of course) aren't disqualifying, then it's hilarious.

Ah, I see. To be fair, everyone can say shitty things when they're not keeping themselves in check but that doesn't mean you have to be harsh to yourself on a constant basis. The way I personally deal with it is to stop, think about the thing I'm about to say, and think about whether it's ok or not. Also, maybe the fact that you can tell when you've previously fucked up means you've learnt something from it, so instead of dwelling on it you can dwell on how you've become more self-aware and someone who does their best to be a better person. Sorry if that sounds self-helpy.

Oh, and I have the assumption everyone knows but me and I'll look foolish.

It's ok, whetever it is I don't know either so you're not alone in not knowing!

Regarding Big Mouth, I think that doesn't sound like my cup of tea at all, but I might still give it a shot since I desperately need something to watch.

It's not like I ever do anything bad. Like, I've never stolen or hit and run. It's more like. "Oh, I did that wrong." "Oh. I could have said that better." "Oh, maybe I shouldn't bring up the Israeli Peace Process in casual company, WHY DO I DO THAT?" And then I get self conscious it spirals to "everything I do is a mistake" to "I'm a botch of a human being. I'm just going to crawl into a hole until I die"

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The first episode is probably the 2nd grossest. It gets more interesting when the girls get stories.

"R Rated Inside Out"

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