sacramentalist: (ella_hiding)
Ella is not well. She was shaking and panicky this morning.

C brought her to the vet who said she's likely got a tumour somewhere. Steroid and maybe 1-2 months

So, yeah. I'm good at positive thinking (read: denial), so the vet is an alarmist and there's no physical evidence and maybe she's just off from the painkiller she was on.

Plus Prednisone makes her a sieve. So, pee pads everywhere. I think I'm gonna bulldoze through some work and try to visit. I'm more worried for my wife. Losing Cheeky (her darling cat) crushed her. At least she had the dog to focus on.
sacramentalist: (Default)
Vet says Ella's got pain in her back legs. There's no sign of a tumor. Arthritis in both knees. Inflammation in the knee she's most sensitive about. She's also got some narrow vertebrae. So, old dog is old. Trying her on some pain meds for a couple weeks and we're to keep her exercising, but not too much. (???)

They don't seem concerned she's so skinny. I don't know how a sleepy dog is going to eat. I'm glad she's not going paralyzed. It's sad she's in pain, though. Poor little Ella! Plus, because her liver is all messed up, we have to be careful what meds we give her.

So, that's what's going on.
sacramentalist: (marvin)
Ella fell over while peeing this morning. Instead of getting up, she just kept peeing.
C has an appointment with the vet at 2. Our old girl is old, but that doesn't make dealing with this any easier. It sure seems like degenerative myelopathy (weakness leading to eventual paralysis)

Frankly, I'm just through with the whole pet thing. Sure, they're fun and cute, but all I remember about them after they die are the months of worry and the memory of the last horrible days.

Why love when your heart can only be broken?
sacramentalist: (ella_hiding)
Ella has been moving funny. It was subtle at first. She slid more on the hard wood floor. She stumbles when she stands/squats.

We can't tell if she's sore somewhere or it's something neurological. It could be a return of the tumour removed from her hind legs a couple years ago. Suspicion is degenerative myelopathy, which is a permanent progressive loss of limb use. It usually shows signs of pad or nail damage from dragging feet. E isn't dragging, but she does seem to be pulling her legs in more when she walks. She always has, so it's hard to tell. We will have to bring her in. Sigh.

Estimated 5 years old 8 years old Shih Tzu, people aren't going to want to fight for a 13 year old dog. C seemed really unhappy when I left her yesterday, and didn't contact me last night. She may just be stressing about work, but she's worried about her little darling. It took her a long time to get over Cheeky, and that was with the help of having a dog to focus on.
sacramentalist: (Default)
I printed and posted the schedule on the wall. I rearranged the midnight guys so they're next to each other at the top. However, that changes the order on the schedule. An order that's been immutable for years. Now vets are going to think newbs are higher ranked.

Confusion in 5-4-3-2-1


My face hurts. My sinuses have been bothering me for several days. It's like someone hit my cheekbone with a baseball. Ow!
sacramentalist: (Default)
Not all sysadmin commands are uninteresting. This removes the queued email containing fun words, like "creampie"!

# egrep -li "(horny|orgasm|blonde|porn|creampie|fisting)" * | cut -f1,2,3 -d- | sort | uniq | xargs exim -Mrm
sacramentalist: (Default)
I was talking with someone about how Lost in Translation is a treatment on Loneliness akin to how Bojack Horseman treats depression. Every single character is lonely, but deals with it a different way. The main characters AND their spouses. He couldn't understand what I meant.
I mentioned the spouses distract themselves by being busy out of extroverted energy, or a sense of duty. Friend would have it on the wife, to the point of being clear the wife is fine.

My friend is completely oblivious to how Bob's wife, Lydia, is unhappy. To refresh, she is only heard on the phone. Their brief conversations are interrupted by a child (also craving attention). The conversations are to the effect of "I saw a beautiful house" "Oh, I wish I could have seen it". And she sends a message about Bob forgetting Adam's birthday "I'M SURE HE'LL UNDERSTAND".

Could it be this guy is completely immune to sarcasm? I think it's possible. I also think he could be immune to the voice of women. As in, simply discounting it. Now I'm intrigued if my friend is on the spectrum for being unable to pick up on social queues. This would explain a lot. Or, he just hated his horrible mother, and he has zero shits to give for a character so insignificant, she's not even credited.

I have no point. I just hate when people disagree with me when I'm right.
sacramentalist: (Default)
Someone asked me what my perfect day would me. I have no idea. Like literally, I couldn't tell you.

I do nothing. Everything is an effort. To be honest, a perfect day is a day I don't hafta do anything and I don't have to feel guilty. But I get overwrought that if I have spare time, I should be using it optimally.

Otherwise, probably visit somewhere. Spend some time with my wife. Have actual sex.
sacramentalist: (mayor_of_el_ghey_journal)
My wife says she has this conversation every once in a while:

"Your husband is hilarious online"

"He thinks he is"

"I hope you don't mind I was going through his Facebook"

"What? No! Friend him. Yeah, he's funny on the Internet Yes, he's funny but just don't tell him TOO often."
sacramentalist: (Default)
"I'm going to x for a burger" "Oh, if you want the best burger, you gotta go to y" (20 minutes away)

"We're going to x" "On Erie? For the best Italian, you gotta check out y" (in the US)

"Someone gave me a bottle of Scotch" "You gotta try this 15 year old single-malt called Balrochenluvinmore" (vaguely pronounced 'Balrmore' but spitting on me)


"So I know this guy who is a one-upper..." "Oh man, I know someone worse than that."

This is face-to-face, BTW. LJ is different. Do you know people like this?
sacramentalist: (Default)
The more I learn about myself, the sillier I feel, which makes me share less.
sacramentalist: (Default)
So, I saw my shrink. I more or less said I was going crazy over this basement mess. His empathy seemed to cool when I said it's probably covered by insurance and I'm just fretting over whether my claim gets paid or not and my general laziness (my words, obviously).

I even went so far as say what I expected him to say. He just lightly said "yeah, we've had that conversation a few times... so I'm interested to know why you stopped coming. We seemed to be starting to work on some things and you vanished"

Honestly? I got the date wrong. I thought it was Aug 10, and it was Aug 3. It actually sucks because I spent Aug 3 wishing it was the next week. This is what happens when I trust my instincts and not hyperfocus on detail. "So why didn't (I) call to reschedule?"

This is gonna sound weird, or simply childish, but I hate waiting. I'll delay making a doctor appointment for a year because I don't want to wait the 4-6 months. And what happens when things are set in the future? I miss the appointment and I'm penalize, or worse, lectured. Or, with him, it's so far in the future I'm past my immediate issues and I'm talking about how I felt 2-3 weeks ago, like I'm a 3rd person.

Anyway, I'm sure he's getting at this is part-and-parcel with what we were working on (causes of me being hesitant, indecisive, and self-critical)

But honestly, I think I needed him to say "hey, you're remembering our talks. Good job!" And I've been stewing about it for days.


But on another point. WHO HAS WATCHED BOJACK HORSEMAN SEASON 4? I want to talk about it with someone I know. Not some rando on Reddit, because I think this was the best season so far.
sacramentalist: (Default)
I've been considering leaving a VM to my shrink.

"Hi M. I hope you're well. I know I stood you up and owe you for the last appointment. I'm really sorry. I completely got the date wrong. So, M, I think I better start seeing you again. My basement flooded and I'm an organizational mess with the clean up: the logistics of insurance and my inability to throw things out, and dealing with my family. So, Let me know when you're available for an appointment. I've cancelled my piano lessons indefinitely until I get my basement mess dealt with. And to be honest, I just don't need the added frustration and anyway my teacher thinks I'm an old idiot. She hates me. Everyone hates me. I don't know why I try. Sooooo, call me back when you can. Thanks."

Or maybe: "Hi M. I hope you're well. I want/need to start seeing you again so, so call me back for an appointment. Thanks."


What'll happen is he'll call me back, unavailable for a few weeks and my mental state will be better, so I have to recount almost as a 3rd person.

And what'll happen is he'll say "hey! that's a lot of shitty things you're dealing with. Literally. There's no perfect path and there are no mistakes. You're handling it and need to remind yourself of that." And I'll just go "ok. acknowledged. I don't feel better."
sacramentalist: (Default)
After a day of heavy rain on Monday, Windsor got a deluge on Tuesday. Cars stuck on streets. Fun like that. My neighbourhood's streets were a meter deep.

I came home to a basement full of water. 4" deep. Then an hour later, it went down the drain. All of my neighbours had the same thing. Apparently it backed up. That's actually covered by my insurance, but I'm worried this is going to end up costing me $$. I only took a couple shitty photos during the flood. I didn't expect the water to clear so quickly, and I was on hold with State Farm for an hour to find out I overflowed into auto-claims.

My washer and dryer are working. Apparently I should have waited a few days. I had to wait on the washer, anyway, as the water was cut off from 8am to 4pm all day, yesterday. The furnit

My laminate floor is already buckling. I'm still waiting on the adjuster and the contractor for clean-up. Meanwhile, I've just been tossing junk. Everything is heavy and wet and pours out when I pick it up.

I kept my old albums in a milk crate lined with a garbage bag. Apparently, plastic bags break down after 30 years. So all my 12"'s got wet.

I came to work to avoid the basement. At work, we're hammered with calls from phone customers with no service due to flooding. We were already short-staffed from techs going to a convention in Toronto. Field tech availability is limited.

I'm just tired and anxious. I don't want to deal with anything. Having strangers in my house. What to do with the cats? C was trying to figure out how to come down, but she can't take the train with her. And we can't do anything with Ella around because she needs to be next to someone all the time. That sounds enabling, but Shih Tzus are like that. And to be frank, it's easier to not have C worrying, as my anxiety feeds on hers. But I could use some help with the lifting/cleaning.

Plus, I can't smell. I'm worried about gas leaks and sewage smells and mould. And my treadmill. At 350lb, I never want to move that fucking thing, ever. I planned that if I ever I sell the house, I'm just including it in the offer.

So, typical Steve. I'm fine during the situation. After, I'm full of self-doubt and guilt and anxiety and what-ifs and AAAAAAAAAAGH!
sacramentalist: (Default)
My car hit 300,300km

Now, you may think that's hardly noteworthy, but 300300 is divisible by 2,3,5,7,11 AND 13 -- the first 6 prime numbers. I'll give you another update when it reaches 510510. That's seven primes, baby!

Yes, these things occur to me whilst driving.

Oh, Trump

Jul. 25th, 2017 01:17 pm
sacramentalist: (Default)
I wonder what Trump would say at a Girl Scouts Jamboree

"Hello ladies. Future mothers of America. I love moms. I have the greatest respect for women. All three of my wives have been moms. And I have a beautiful daughter. Have you seen Ivanka? But you don't have to be a mom. Looking around, I see some of you could be models."
sacramentalist: (hungry)
I made gumbo for the first time. Chicken + andouille + shrimp.

It's OK, but it's kind of just a greasy soup. Certainly not photogenic. Maybe Louisiana cooking isn't for me as green peppers and celery are not my bag. I'll have to cook some rice to go with it tonight. I got lazy yesterday.

And I burned my finger through the towel I was holding the pan handle with to pour the roux. Yowtch!
sacramentalist: (Default)
Have you ever had an obsessive crush on an celebrity that is almost painful? I don't mean as a teen, but as a fully-formed brained adult.

Don't judge me, but crap, there's an actress (who I won't name) who seems to hit a crazy button. I have a difficult time watching her because of the sad sting that this person is completely unattainable. It's not lust, though she is sexy. I guess she's my type -- as in: a pretty woman who seems sweet. It's pretty hand-holdingly innocent, albeit surprisingly painful.

Of course I'm not going to share who it is. And I am happily married. My wife and I exchange our crushes. I'm also not stalkery.

I just need to shake this limerance, as it's distracting as all get-out. How do you shake that? Get obsessed about someone else? Maybe if the actress was vapid, or a jerk, but she seems pretty harmless. I kinda feel bad for her that she's not more active, but then, I'd not be able to watch the show, I suppose.
sacramentalist: (Default)
My piano teacher doesn't know Year of the Cat. Not that she doesn't know how to play it, but that she is completely devoid of knowledge of the song. I don't mention this like it's a failing. Apparently she teaches songwriting. Don't 70's singer/songwriters come up?

I said it must be "generational", which is probably the pettiest jab I've ever made. Oddly, I have no clue what she knows/likes and it's starting to bug me. She's an enigma, and it leaves me a little disoriented. I tend to relate to people based on their thing. Now that sounds like I'm a suck-up, but not quite. I mean, hey, I can go on and on about something, but I like hearing what people like. I think people are the greatest fun. I know things. And I know people who know things. So if I don't know something I need, I know where to get it (that's your job)
sacramentalist: (creed)
I have been having a blast making fun of people upset about the new Doctor. One thing I find amusing is how many people have never watched the show but still feel the need to state their opinion.

I know two very loyal long-term fans. I went to high school with one, and I work with the other. The HS one has been pretty silent about it, but I watched my employee go through the stages of grief on Sunday. Up until the announcement, a "woman" would never happen. Then he thought it was a gimmick. Then it was obvious to him Jodie Whittaker was the "best choice" by the new show runner, and not because she was a woman.

Half of my online mocking was to show him how silly the complainers are so he can join the moral high ground on pro-Whittaker. I'd be all "so, there's a bunch of idiots on Twitter saying the Doctor won't know how to park the TARDIS." He'll chuckle and then I'll see it click in his head "waitaminute. the Doctor has never been able to park the TARDIS. Only (names off 10 women) have been able to drive and park it. Those critics are idiots!"

"Hey B! Now they're saying The Doctor shouldn't be wank material." He'll chime in: "You know, a lot of women find Peter Capaldi sexy" "B. Please don't ever show me your Tom Baker smut."

Then he remembered Attack the Block and embraced her, trusting BBC knows what they're doing. The Doctor is an alien, after-all.

I'd like to think I manipulated him to change his mind, but I'm certain he'd enjoy any new regeneration of the Doctor. Old habits die hard.

The show IS a combination of character and story, so they better keep synergy going. I gave up in the 2nd Matt Smith season (but I adored the first one). But I've seen a few since then. The Statue of Liberty as a Weeping Angel was too much. Ugh!
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