sacramentalist (
sacramentalist) wrote2014-02-04 09:30 am
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Splitting heirs
What is the message to adopted people when everyone clarifies Dylan Farrow was an "adopted" daughter? Are they pointing out the contrast to Soon-Yi Previn, the step-daughter the man groomed and married? Or are they minimizing his role as a goddamned parent? Well, it wasn't "rape" rape. And she wasn't his "daughter" daughter.
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(Anonymous) 2014-02-04 03:55 pm (UTC)(link)I don't like the classification either. I think it's used by some people to try to make what happened less horrific somehow. It doesn't of course.
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OK, maybe I just like saying "Woody didn't 'rape' rape any of his 'daughter' daughters".
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I can't even with the whole thing.
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Adoptive counts!
Step counts!
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Ben is adopted, and it drives him absolutely batty when people say things like "my adopted sister." One of his friends has a sister who is Native American, and he always calls her "the adopted Indian child" like she's somehow less of a person, less of a sister, less of a child to his parents. I'm pretty sure if someone called Ben "the adopted Cuban child" they'd catch a fist to the face.
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The Royal Tenenbaums really punctuated the "Margo, my 'adoptive' daughter" thing.
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If the post was just talking about Woody Allen's behavior, I wouldn't have said anything.
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But one of the reasons for the parent/child-incest-ban is that we instinctively feel that there should be safe spaces for children. They should not be sexually exploited by the big strong adults that they live with and have to obey. Regardless of whether those adults are blood-related or not.
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-the taboo against paedophilia is about safe spaces for children.
-the taboo against incest is about propagation of a healthy species (after all, it's a taboo that extends to adulthood and to peer-to-peer blood relationships).
I realise you say "one of the reasons" and specify parent-to-child incest, but I just think that's artificial. The ban on incest is about specific blood relations you shouldn't have sex with. The ban on paedophilia is about protecting children. Parent/child incest is the intersection of those two taboos, but IMO the protecting children bit comes from the ban on paedophilia -- and disappears once the child is in fact an adult.
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If I married my 26 year old former stepdaughter, I'm certain people would want to stone me. "How did we meet? It's a funny story. I used to sleep with her mother in the next room. Oh, I've known her since she was 8."
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...which is exactly why incest is also a safe-space-for-children taboo and not just a genetic taboo.
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I disagree. I think that just because incest taboos extend into adulthood doesn't mean that they cannot also be motivated by the need to preserve safe spaces for kids.
We actually discussed this and read bits on it from various authorities in my family law class. I don't think any of these things is as clear-cut as you seem to think, and I'm not sure why you think they are.
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I agree that emotionally, psychological parenthood is really the only type that matters. And a parent having sex with a child who is not related to them is emotionally just as damaging as a parent having sex with their biological child. But it isn't incest. Incest is sexual relations that are taboo because of close blood relationship.
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"Instituerat, Marko."
"Et Ego evagemur persequendo, Consilium"
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Oh well.
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Know how people love the Coors Light twins? Then once they realize sex with twins is incest, they sorta squick a bit.
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Fun Fact: My college roommate's mom was in a quasi-incestuous relationship with her half-sister. Ended with restraining orders for everyone.
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Like Roman Polanski: Yes, you're a brilliant filmmaker. Yes, your life was hit hard several times with tragedy. Yes, you have greatly suffered from those many painful loses. No, none of that excuses you from what you did. No, support from all those fans and peers doesn't excuse you, either.
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I also think that another reason she's referred to as his "adopted daughter" is that the media always makes that distinction, and I think that's wrong. I completely understand why adoptive children and parents take issue with it.