(no subject)

When people tell you to "trust your instincts", I don't think they realize how wrong instincts can be. I consider myself quite rational, and I still get these twitchy feelings and bad associations.

For instance, one of the twitchy things preventing me getting a new car is my wife dumped me after I bought this one. Silly, I know. My brain is probably just grabbing random reasons to avoid the discomfort of getting a new vehicle.

I was talking to my therapist (yes, I see a therapist) about things -- past loves, how I get in knots trying to figure out and anticipate others and my chronic fear I'm constantly missing the obvious, proving I'm an abject failure. At one point his ears twitched and I went "and I know what you'll say. 'Well, Steve: all I see here is a man who cares a lot for the people around him. Someone who is VERY in tuned to people. That's a strength.' Yeah, well I can think that and know that, but I don't feel it, and if I did, I wouldn't make so many mistakes."

"Yes, that's something I would say."

So I kinda proved his point. And then he said something I don't remember... because I have the memory of a goldfish when my brain is bubbling.