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[personal profile] sacramentalist
I have a tendency to get worked up about something and belabouring it until I share it with someone long enough that they're upset and then I feel better assuaging them. I don't mean to do it, I swear.

Case in point: The dog doesn't eat a lot, and she's skinny. I worry about it until I get my wife worried. This isn't without precedence: 2 years ago, C's cat got really skinny (I noticed it easier because I saw her less) and eventually went into liver failure. She probably had a liver problem for a long time but would get nauseated after eating a little. So she starved. Losing Cheeky was devastating. Now the dog. Ella's always been a fussy dog. Just distract her and she'll stop eating. She's probably picking up on my anxiety. Dogs aren't supposed to be like this, dammit.

Anyway, all weekend I'm watching her, and watching the plate, and microwaving the food to bring out the smell. She ate after I left, of course. Now, C's worried Ella's going to die.

Back in HS days, my sister borrowed my Walkman and forgot it in her locker. I was miffed and kept bringing it up. Just nattering away. "I wish you didn't forget my Walkman. Why'd you forget it?" Then suddenly my normally detached father went ballistic, screaming and shouting at my sister, chasing her through the house and broke her door by bashing at it. He started hyperventilating and hit the ground. My normally excitable mom screamed dad was having a heart attack and to call an ambulance. The phone rang at the same time, so I answer telling whomever to call back as I need to talk to an ambulance. My dad then grabbed the phone and tried to hang up on the poor fellow who was trying to call us and has people panicking and trying to hang up on him (phones worked different, then. The originator controlled the call). Anyway, my dad was fine. And long story short, my sister blamed me for the whole ordeal and I was reminded of this by seeing the broken door which didn't get fixed for years.

So, I try to be conscious of when I'm nattering. I just don't share. Then it comes out all over the place. And when I do share, I feel guilty for being manipulative. So I do nothing right and I don't trust my feelings and well, that doesn't work either. So not having feelings is ideal. Yep.
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