sacramentalist: (hungry)
I made gumbo for the first time. Chicken + andouille + shrimp.

It's OK, but it's kind of just a greasy soup. Certainly not photogenic. Maybe Louisiana cooking isn't for me as green peppers and celery are not my bag. I'll have to cook some rice to go with it tonight. I got lazy yesterday.

And I burned my finger through the towel I was holding the pan handle with to pour the roux. Yowtch!
sacramentalist: (Default)
Have you ever had an obsessive crush on an celebrity that is almost painful? I don't mean as a teen, but as a fully-formed brained adult.

Don't judge me, but crap, there's an actress (who I won't name) who seems to hit a crazy button. I have a difficult time watching her because of the sad sting that this person is completely unattainable. It's not lust, though she is sexy. I guess she's my type -- as in: a pretty woman who seems sweet. It's pretty hand-holdingly innocent, albeit surprisingly painful.

Of course I'm not going to share who it is. And I am happily married. My wife and I exchange our crushes. I'm also not stalkery.

I just need to shake this limerance, as it's distracting as all get-out. How do you shake that? Get obsessed about someone else? Maybe if the actress was vapid, or a jerk, but she seems pretty harmless. I kinda feel bad for her that she's not more active, but then, I'd not be able to watch the show, I suppose.
sacramentalist: (Default)
My piano teacher doesn't know Year of the Cat. Not that she doesn't know how to play it, but that she is completely devoid of knowledge of the song. I don't mention this like it's a failing. Apparently she teaches songwriting. Don't 70's singer/songwriters come up?

I said it must be "generational", which is probably the pettiest jab I've ever made. Oddly, I have no clue what she knows/likes and it's starting to bug me. She's an enigma, and it leaves me a little disoriented. I tend to relate to people based on their thing. Now that sounds like I'm a suck-up, but not quite. I mean, hey, I can go on and on about something, but I like hearing what people like. I think people are the greatest fun. I know things. And I know people who know things. So if I don't know something I need, I know where to get it (that's your job)
sacramentalist: (creed)
I have been having a blast making fun of people upset about the new Doctor. One thing I find amusing is how many people have never watched the show but still feel the need to state their opinion.

I know two very loyal long-term fans. I went to high school with one, and I work with the other. The HS one has been pretty silent about it, but I watched my employee go through the stages of grief on Sunday. Up until the announcement, a "woman" would never happen. Then he thought it was a gimmick. Then it was obvious to him Jodie Whittaker was the "best choice" by the new show runner, and not because she was a woman.

Half of my online mocking was to show him how silly the complainers are so he can join the moral high ground on pro-Whittaker. I'd be all "so, there's a bunch of idiots on Twitter saying the Doctor won't know how to park the TARDIS." He'll chuckle and then I'll see it click in his head "waitaminute. the Doctor has never been able to park the TARDIS. Only (names off 10 women) have been able to drive and park it. Those critics are idiots!"

"Hey B! Now they're saying The Doctor shouldn't be wank material." He'll chime in: "You know, a lot of women find Peter Capaldi sexy" "B. Please don't ever show me your Tom Baker smut."

Then he remembered Attack the Block and embraced her, trusting BBC knows what they're doing. The Doctor is an alien, after-all.

I'd like to think I manipulated him to change his mind, but I'm certain he'd enjoy any new regeneration of the Doctor. Old habits die hard.

The show IS a combination of character and story, so they better keep synergy going. I gave up in the 2nd Matt Smith season (but I adored the first one). But I've seen a few since then. The Statue of Liberty as a Weeping Angel was too much. Ugh!
sacramentalist: (Default)
A: "I love that Laura Moon never wears a bra anymore because ain't no dead woman ever wearing a mother fuckin' bra"

B: "Due to a series of unfortunate events she has found herself dead and bra-less."

Me: "The word, 'Pendulous', comes from the Latin word for hanging freely, possibly swinging, like a pendulum of a clock, counting the minutes to before the final tolling, but alas, Laura, much like a former love, has already heard her bell's toll. However, unlike my dear Beatrice, Laura wanders the Earth, her breasts hanging freely, counting her extra minutes before they inevitably fall off."
sacramentalist: (Default)
We watched a documentary on William Powell, the author of the Anarchist Cookbook. He wrote it in the early 70's at 19.

Powell has lived out of the US since the 70's, and has repeatedly disavowed the book.

The interviewer basically went through a list of various mass killings where the perpetrator had the cookbook in their possession, asking about them in a way to make it seem a surprising Powell know about every incident and feel personal responsibility for each and every event.

I saw a good review on IMDB ("Why not blame Marilyn Manson, too?")

The director worked on Tosh.0 -- I'm not shocked. It was uncomfortable, breezy, and pretty pointless. D-
sacramentalist: (Default)
Nothing is about me, but this post is.

I just got wind that a former girlfriend, my first girlfriend, is married and her husband is dying in a hospital in Niagara Falls. I didn't know she was married. I haven't seen her in 20 years. Last time I saw her was in a plant nursery and she ninja-ed me faster than I ducked out on her. I know nothing about her because she is the sort to eschew Facebook and/or block exes. Why am I drawn to mega-intelligent, beautiful women who want nothing to do with me afterward? Dr C is a ghost online, too, and we're married!

My co-worker's ex, the father of her children, was found dead on his bathroom floor yesterday. He lived in another town. She had to tell her kids a second time that their father has left them. She is far less nostalgic.
sacramentalist: (stoned_ralph)
Dear Twin Peaks:

Now my series' have all been shown,
And what strength I have's mine own,
Which is most faint: now, 'tis true,
I must be here confined by you,
sacramentalist: (gayness)
Also... my livejournal account expired. Fuck you, Livejournal! (crossposted to Livejournal)
sacramentalist: (Default)
Fargo
Better Call Saul
Twin Peaks
American Gods
Handmaid's Tale
sacramentalist: (Default)
I bought shoes off Amazon. They were on sale and I didn't have to interact with anyone. Heck, because my boss brought the package to my office, I didn't even have to stand up!

This is hardly a big deal, but it just leads me to ponder the demise of retail. However, I have creative rationalization: mail order has always existed. And oh how much I hate the mall. Buying online, nobody's treating me like I don't belong there, and nobody's pushing protective balms.
sacramentalist: (Default)
Anyone else watching the new Twin Peaks season?

I'm going to watch this thing, but I can't imagine recommending it to anyone.

It's got the side-stories of Mulholland Drive but the sound effects and braindead characters and imagery of Eraserhead. And Lynch has a talent for extracting wooden performances from decent actors. It's probably the banal dialogue and over-long takes.

That being said, of course I'm going to watch all 18 episodes and I'd be happy to discuss it in comments.
sacramentalist: (Default)
I have a tendency to get worked up about something and belabouring it until I share it with someone long enough that they're upset and then I feel better assuaging them. I don't mean to do it, I swear.

Case in point: The dog doesn't eat a lot, and she's skinny. I worry about it until I get my wife worried. This isn't without precedence: 2 years ago, C's cat got really skinny (I noticed it easier because I saw her less) and eventually went into liver failure. She probably had a liver problem for a long time but would get nauseated after eating a little. So she starved. Losing Cheeky was devastating. Now the dog. Ella's always been a fussy dog. Just distract her and she'll stop eating. She's probably picking up on my anxiety. Dogs aren't supposed to be like this, dammit.

Anyway, all weekend I'm watching her, and watching the plate, and microwaving the food to bring out the smell. She ate after I left, of course. Now, C's worried Ella's going to die.

Back in HS days, my sister borrowed my Walkman and forgot it in her locker. I was miffed and kept bringing it up. Just nattering away. "I wish you didn't forget my Walkman. Why'd you forget it?" Then suddenly my normally detached father went ballistic, screaming and shouting at my sister, chasing her through the house and broke her door by bashing at it. He started hyperventilating and hit the ground. My normally excitable mom screamed dad was having a heart attack and to call an ambulance. The phone rang at the same time, so I answer telling whomever to call back as I need to talk to an ambulance. My dad then grabbed the phone and tried to hang up on the poor fellow who was trying to call us and has people panicking and trying to hang up on him (phones worked different, then. The originator controlled the call). Anyway, my dad was fine. And long story short, my sister blamed me for the whole ordeal and I was reminded of this by seeing the broken door which didn't get fixed for years.

So, I try to be conscious of when I'm nattering. I just don't share. Then it comes out all over the place. And when I do share, I feel guilty for being manipulative. So I do nothing right and I don't trust my feelings and well, that doesn't work either. So not having feelings is ideal. Yep.
sacramentalist: (Default)
Me: "So, I've been watching these 11 minute Adult Swim shows. Mike Tyson's Adventures. It's hilarious. It's styled like an old Hanna-Barbera cartoon."

She: "Mike Tyson the rapist?"

Me: "Yeah. He solves mysteries in his van, with an adopted daughter. A ghost done by the Dean from Community and a very vulgar talking pigeon played by Norm McDonald"

She: "And Mike Tyson the rapist..."

Me: "Whatever. He did his time. You should hear him try to pronounce Cormac McCarthy."

Me, later "Dammit! Now I can't enjoy this shit."


Having a conscience is sooo boooorrrring...
sacramentalist: (gayness)
Woah! Episode 3 of American Gods was really well done. Wow.
sacramentalist: (steven_hate)
Everyone is annoying the shit out of me today. Maybe I'm coming out of something, or everyone is just annoying. I'm tired of being the nice one.
sacramentalist: (poo)
Here's a hint. It's not the one who has to do the laundry at 11pm...

sacramentalist: (Default)
I was supposed to visit my wife this weekend. I was reluctant because:

- she was sick, and busy
- the car sounds funny
- Penguicon (a sci-fi/open source convention in Michigan) was this weekend
- employees invited me to go to the Dominion House for drinks and Ingress
- I wanted to save money (gas/food)
- I started trying to run again and it would throw off my initial interest

I didn't visit my wife. I also:

- Didn't go to Penguicon
- I bought food from a restaurant, both days
- Didn't run

Why didn't I go to the con?

- bad hair day
- fat day
- I haven't gone to the US since Trump was elected
- my car sounds funny
- I have nothing to contribute
- I'd make anyone I know feel awkward
- everyone hates me

That last bit isn't true. Anyone who kinda knows me likes me, as I'm pretty harmless. Everyone else hates me.

I don't fit in, anywhere. I'm tedious to my wife. My family loves me but really know how to bring out the anxieties. My friends, after whining how I was never available when I had a wife and kids, promptly vanished after getting wives and kids. My employees put up with me. They'd rather eat an arm than have a boss around. They probably invited me to get the 8th P8. But I said I was visiting my wife.

I was fielding Saturday at a park with 30 portals. It was a chilly day, which was probably why nobody had claimed them. I spent as long as I could before it got cold/tedious. At one point, I was hacking a portal and there was a little boy standing frozen in the entrance about 50 ft in front of me. He stood, frozen as I was holding my phone right at him. He then ran away. And I opted to go out the gate and to my car and leave before someone calls the police on the bed-headed creep photographing her kid.

You laugh, but later that night, one of my local FB friends actually had the police called on him while he was waiting for his daughter at gymnastics. He was chatting on his phone and looked like he was taking photos of the girls on the floor. He laughed it off, as he wasn't the regular parent. But still. It sounds like a nightmare. What if someone mistook my presence and I didn't have anyone around? 50 year old man playing a GPS game?

I really should go back to my therapist, but I'd have to wait to see him and I wouldn't be in the same mindset. Or I'd forget the appointment. And it costs money. Or will, after I use all my insurance, so maybe I shouldn't use it until I need to. Sigh. I'm a mess.

grrr

Apr. 25th, 2017 03:51 pm
sacramentalist: (Default)
This isn't the sort of shit I'm talking about, but this pisses me off, too:

My piano teacher (yes, I'm trying to learn the piano) was flipping though my notebook and hit a couple pages of equations my wife sent me to crunch for her. Sometimes I need to write something down, and my music book is right there. Anyway, J always balks and gets math-panic when she sees my cyphering.

"What did you go to school for, anyway?"

Me, pausing "... Electrical Engineering"

Her, pausing "But you don't work as one."

Me, "no"

Her, "But that's unusual that someone so to school for something so specific and doesn't get into it"

Me, "Yeah well, you'll find I'm not a typical engineer. In fact, you probably won't see too many engineers trying to learn the piano at 47."

"FORTY SEVEN??? Wow. You're going to be FIFTY in ... 3 years!"

"Yeah... thanks for pointing that out."

"But OMG, 50! 50 seems so old. I'd think you were in your late 30's, maybe 40. But not as old as 50."

"OK, you're not making me feel better."

"Hahaha!"

"OK, now you're laughing at me"

"No. I'm laughing with you"

"I'm not laughing"

"I can tell, you're laughing on the inside."

"Let's just do this before I say something mean."

"No, you can come at me."

"Let's just do the lesson."



Fuck. I'm pretty sure she's just teasing. But lady's gotta learn to not be a butthead. So, I have three options:

1) bite back -- which would only make her cry

2) make a fuss or fire her

3) trust she's just teasing and not be so defensive


So now I'm just stewing...
sacramentalist: (Default)
I hear insecurity is an unattractive quality of a person.

I'm finding lately that when I attempt to contact others, I get ignored, or disdain. I'm not sure which is worse. I suppose I need to remind myself nothing is about me. It's not like I'm doing anything wrong other than being present. Hey, you're having a bad day? I'll acknowledge it. Eye-roll, or lash back at me? I gone -- I'm not your puppy to kick. Problem is when I cut contact, I find I'm the one without any friends. And then I kick myself.

I don't know what I'm getting at. Everyone is a capricious and I'm not getting enough positive strokes to assuage my insecurities.

Two psychologists say "hi" to each other as they pass on the sidewalk. They both walk away thinking "what did he mean by that?"
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